Just So You Know: That '09 Mission
Pic says it all.
You wouldn't mess with me if I didn't make it plain at all instances. When '08 ended I sat down with my mentor for lunch and he spit it to me plain-pat.
Mentor: What's your resolution for '09?
J: I just want to GROW everything I have right now. I'm getting my garden on.
Mentor: Good. Watch out for these girls. You know what the '09 motto is right?
J: (laughing) no...
Mentor: "CLOSE THE DEAL." 30 is closer than 20 for most of the women you know. It was '93 for me. Every girl you know is getting ready to close the deal. Don't be suprised if a lot of your relationships change...or end.
Dag
I came home and told my people, and to my shock got the TOTAL CO-SIGN. Like the Israelites in the wilderness, knowing that the Promised Land is "somewhere ahead." After a few years in the desert, you start thinking, "So, about this Promised Land." All of a sudden kicking it loses the luster it once had. You want to lay up and listen to them James Ingram, Aaron Abernathy playlists you MADE. You get to asking folks about their credit score. I know the deal.
I think about it like "Back to the Future", where the picture of the family starts disappearing. After a while, that dream image we had of our lives begins to look a little shaky. Time to hop in the DMC (not the DeLorean; the Date Machine Cakemobile) and save your family. All I'm saying is, folks trying to be Marty McFly in 2009.
Are you noticing this?
It's February, the love month. I'll be the bad guy, since I know the hood and its constituents are feeling me. Men and Women. Upstanding Gents and Goofs. All Children of God.
Make Carter G. smile and get real with the PM Community for a second. Tell me if you are in a relationship where you feel the vice grips being put on you. This conversation is NECESSARY for our generation. Are you ready? Is your partner? Who's applying the pressure here (games ain't that fun no more, huh)? Where does God fit in all of this?
Start anywhere. Come anonymous if you want, but do Come Real. I especially want to hear from these Marty McFly types
-and by default, those who salt on game, Biff Tannen
posted by CaesarKwest at
11:15 PM
12 Comments:
"...Pardon my reluctance at the nuptials, but i think Cliff and Clair should do Cliff and Clair BEFORE becoming Huxtables..."
- "Give Us This Day" The Remnant: PB&J (www.myspace.com/remnantmusic)
right on time post and completely addressed on the record. i feel it as do a lot of people in my close circle. the best thing i can offer is that the decision to move it to the next level with whomever your with needs to be YOUR decision. you may encounter pressure from the outside, but at the end of the day, its gonna be u and your mate carving out your life together and you need to know "you have chosen wisely" (c) Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade
Also we've gotta redefine our view of "successful" relationships. sure that means broom jumping and the like, but a successful relationship is also one that ends with two people going their separate ways...knowing their both good people who are just not suited for one another.
i'm at the point in my life where i take greater heart in crossing people off the list then reveling in endless possibilities. one
A successful relationship is also one that ends with two people going their separate ways...Yikes. I'm not sure it gets more real than that. Thanks for this.
Fam...Fam, 1st and foremost thank you...it's times like this I thank God for being on the inner circle...
@Adam, you speak the truth and nothing but it...
I'm not going to get to deep on this one...but this is super on time and valid to all...
-In short, be thorough and judicious in your dealings and dont play with emotions...in all religious texts there is a portion that in one way or another states you reap what you sow...and that's all I have to say about that.
I know this isnt really my conversation but I read everything on here so....
@Adam love the Remnant quote. Ur a beast
but...
If your real about relationships you can admit that when people get into a relationship with someone 99% of the time the goal is to find a romantic and/or emotional togtherness. Even if not for you as a man, its ABSOLUTELY true for the woman. Even if you split amicably that doesnt make it successful because splitting in itself is admitting failure of the initial goal. There may be successes in it but the way your abort a goal doesnt make the goal itself a success.
@Cep the stuff you did in the past doesnt ALWAYS come back to haunt you. You may or may not know that I wasnt the best guy in the past toward women and I sowed some bad seeds and those seeds harvested with THOSE women. But with my current I have sowed nothing but good and thats how u get what u see. I just want to dispell the myth that what you did with other girls will somehow come back to haunt you with the new one that youre doing good too. Not when you have repentance and forgiveness in the mix. Im proof that God will forget about it if you truly turn over a new leaf....and ask Him...HARD
-Breeve
for the record, no, there's no pressure on the good kid.
Didn't know there was a "Marriage Movement" brewing out there. Apparently I missed the mass text forward.
From the prospective of a single, non-traditional and freethinking woman I think that most women want to "Close the Deal" as the fulfillment of their dream or more accurate, their fantasy. A wise man (of whom I was dating) once said to me, "You have to look at each person you date, as the person who could POTENTIALLY be your spouse. If you can't see yourself growing old with that person, you probably shouldn't be together." We broke up 2 weeks later. Most women do not view relationships that way. We say "I can MAKE him into the person I CAN grow old with"(sheer fantasy). This is what jump-starts this whole "Closing the Deal" deal. We feel ourselves getting older and don't want to become a spinster at 30, so we have to make our to do list.
1. Find a good man. Or one that has mass amounts of potential.
2. Marry him
That's it, list done.
We tend to ignore everything that encompass a true relationship and everything that is supposed to be what builds that list. Instead, we fill the void between items 1 and 2with what you called vice grips. The woman has put what SHE THINKS is enough time and effort into a relationship and is ready to see it move forward. The man start to feel a squeeze. Now depending on if that squeeze feels life threatening or just a shortness of breath, this squeeze dictates what happens next. You either break up because you're just not feeling what is going on, or you fall in line with the fantasy and move on to the next step.
There is an extreme amount of pressure on women to be married by a certain age. For this, we transfer that pressure to a man in the hopes that the initial pressure can be relieved. Make sense?
Conclusion: We need to stop relying on fantasy and rely on faith. I believe that the one meant for you is going to be put in your life at the right time and that's when you're ready. Have faith that this will happen and the fantasy will dissipate. I always have someone say to me, "Why aren't you married by now?" People see all of my outstanding external qualities and always feel it necessary to ask that question. The answer is simple, I'm not ready. I'm 28 and for the most part, am content with not having someone who I am anywhere near ready to marry. Do I get lonely, no doubt. I think 'caking' is great and wish I could all the time. But, in the last 3 years, I have learned more about myself than in all the years leading up to then. I think more women should utilize their 20's to find out more about themselves. How can you ever expect to be an 'us' if you can't even identify 'I'?
I know most women will NEVER admit to what I have written, but since the premise of this blog is to be real, I couldn't be anything but.
The LYRIKcist is wise...
I don't think any other woman will step up like Lyrikist did. We men appreciate that
This post has been removed by the author.
Trust! I am not trying to "Close the Deal" in '09.
Nonetheless, I do believe that negotiations should always be on the table if you are engaged in meaningful interactions with someone.
If you’re only interested in “dealing” with someone on the surface (even for years), that needs to be stated upfront too.
There is something undeniable about God’s timing. We are all meeting one another at “a time in my life when…” whether your life is a mess or a miracle.
The future of your love is no more certain than your health or job security. But that doesn’t mean you don’t give it your best effort to do right, to plan, and to prepare.
Having said that, I believe preparedness is a dual effort, a mutual agreement to “close the deal.”
When involving ourselves romantically, if we have the purest of intentions, we all pour our energies into someone not fully knowing if we are going to “close the deal” or just write up a contract for the next person to sign.
To LYRIKcist’s point, true, the only way to change a man is to change men…find another one.
Closing the Deal is not a judgment. It's cool if that's where you are. Just be careful of how you articulate that. The realest thing I hear in all of this is that a relationship requires each person to be self-defined and have a foundation of their own. Then you come together for something beautiful.
New Question: How long do we carry another person, especially those with "potential"?
I think it depends on how you define carry. If I am in a relationship with someone, if I have potential then so should the other partner involved.
Why involve yourself with someone that is not traveling in the same direction as you. Is this someone who has a personal relationship with God, do I enjoy the time we spend and or conversations we have together? Are they just talking a good game, or are they really on the grind for the cause they believe in. Have I talked to God about this? Does success really happen over night? Can a time limit really be placed on potential? If you got it you got it, or maybe it has to be shaped and molded until the person comes into his or her own.
My answer to this. It depends on what the other partner is willing to deal with and for how long; it takes to reap the rewards of this “quote on quote” potential.
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