Thursday, October 15, 2009

What's Your Dating Record?

I was staring out the window at work earlier...

*I mean, I was WORKING so very hard*

When it occurred to me that I had to get a background check for this job. And every other job that didn't pay me in cash under the table (sorry, Hip Hop Connection) And so I thought:

Wouldn't it be cool if when people dated they gave DATING RECORDS, which showed how successful or terrible they were at dating? I mean, come on, they don't all work (it's better that way sometimes), but wouldn't you like to know if someone you are potentially dating has experience with amicable splits? That's one for the W column.

Even better, how much would it tell you about a person if they had a bunch of messy breakups or have been cheated on a bunch of times, or just had a horrible experience? Those are called L's.

But there's more.

What if besides Wins and Losses someone could tell you how many people they never really broke it off with, or folks where they still aren't sure whether it ended good or bad? Still on the ropes? Still kinda sorta happening? That's a Tie.

Wins. Losses. Ties.

It's good to reflect on our dating record every once in a while. Sometimes it will show us where we go wrong, or trace for us a pattern of behavior. If nothing else it's the BEST conversation starter. Imagine meeting a guy and he says outright, "I'm 10-0-0, Undefeated and Untied baby" (he definitely said "baby" after that, and his chest was mad unbuttoned like he was on CSI). Or what if he said, "I'm 5-5" (this thing could go either way). Things that "Hmmm..."

When you write them down on a sheet of scrap paper (which, by all means you will BURN afterwards) you'll see that you had a few W's in a row. Good. Or maybe a few L's consecutively. Who's fault is that? The TIES may tell you more about yourself than anything. So let's do it.

I'll be the first to go. After 12 years of dating, I am a (insert adjective here) *drumroll*...


Your turn.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

How to Calculate a QB Rating! (Get your Protractor ready)

Ever wanted to calculate your little nephew's QB Rating? No? Well, why else are you outside watching those games.

I know why. To wear one of these.

Or, you remembered that Steve Young has the highest NFL passer rating of all time (confession: he's my favorite QB ever), and you are trying to figure out how impressive that really is.

FIRST: You'll need a compass, bread crumbs and a TI-89

Here's How:

-Divide a quarterback's completed passes by pass attempts.
-Subtract 0.3.
-Divide by 0.2 and record the total. The sum cannot be greater than 2.375 or less than zero.
-Divide passing yards by pass attempts.
-Subtract 3.
-Divide by 4 and record the total. The sum cannot be greater than 2.375 or less than zero.
-Divide touchdown passes by pass attempts.
-Divide by 0.05 and record the total. The sum cannot be greater than 2.375 or less than zero.
-Divide interceptions by pass attempts.
-Subtract that number from 0.095.
-Divide that product by 0.04 and record the total. The sum cannot be greater than 2.375 or less than zero.
-Add the four totals you recorded.
-Multiply that total by 100.
-Divide by 6.
-The final number is your quarterback rating.


Whichever makes your head explode first. By the way, 98.6

What's that? Well, "Body Heat" of course, and Steve Young's career rating

Thursday, October 1, 2009

COME OUT!! Support and have fun!

Come Check out Verbal Kwest in the birth place of Michael Jackson