LESSONS before TWENTYSIX

Every May 13th I sit and reflect on what WAS and what definitely WASN'T over the past year, and as I prepare to turn 26 tomorrow I figured, WHY NOT MAKE THEM PUBLIC? In the spirit of Twitter and blogging, I hence tell all the bizness. If I help, all to the good. Alas...

LESSONS:

-HAVE TACT. I have none. In fact, the more hesitant I am to say something, the less tact I have. This year some of the most important things on my mind and heart were said in the most foolish ways. I wasted a LOT of good words this year.

-SAY NO. I tried it more, and I grew a lot. Some days I just chilled and did nothing and that was great (I had like 8 days like that). Back when MTV had "Diary" Jay-Z said, "I'll sleep when I'm dead." Only a rich man and a fool go by these laws.

-SAY NO TWICE. At 25 I learned I can have anything I put my mind to. So can you. Sometimes the best offense is a good defense. Protect your spirit by saying NO to the things and people who are toxic. You'll look and feel like a jerk, and you will grow tremendously.

-RESULTS. At this point in life, that's all people are looking for. Dreams are fun but in a recent verse BreevEazie reminded me that we often "write our dreams in permanent marker and our plans in pencil." I was stunned to reflect on how many things I had HOPED to do and how little I had gone about MAKING HAPPEN. Midway through 25 I switched it up and wrote down my dreams and EXACTLY what needed to happen. I bought a HUGE dry-erase board (like 8 ft. huge- $7 a sheet from Home Depot) and everyday it kept me in perspective. What am I doing and WHY. If it's not important enough to put on the board, I PROMISE YOU it's important enough to toss away.

-GRIEVE YOUR LOSSES. In Pastoral Care class I learned about something called "Incomplete Grief." It's when we pretend to be ok about losses we've experienced and haven't fully gone through the process of grief. You would be amazed at how many people INCLUDING YOURSELF are in the middle of an incomplete grieving process RIGHT NOW. For a person or a thing. A situation or a lifestyle. Years ago or weeks ago. When Ant Pharm "died" I was around people who helped me pretend I was okay. This was my best friend in music and a fellow PureMusic visionary (no one understood it like he does). It wasn't until I got alone and away from the noise that I realized how hurt I was. Completing that process opened me up to relationships with some great musicians, and it reminded me that it's OKAY TO MISS SOMETHING. Hope for the return? Maybe...but going through the process allowed me to find my brother again.

-"TEAM". The most important word...and I have a good one. They think about doing a lot of stuff (and they write A LOT in pencil too) and they help give form and function to my life. You must have a good team around, and everyone in that team must lead in some way. We shot the Obama video with a GOOD TEAM. These folks (and I could name them all) are my FAMILY and I love them and pray for them daily. We do a lot of good and even a bit of "tsk-tsk" TOGETHER. No man is an island. FIND YOUR TEAM.

On the other hand...

-YOUR TEAM HAS A TEAM. People don't work for me. They give because they believe in my vision. Often they have failed when I have asked them to do things. This year I learned that NO ONE WILL WORK HARDER THAN ME ON MY DREAM. I am my manager and publicist. I book my shows and arrange my travel. If I see myself in a particular newspaper or website, it's up to ME to make the call or the email. For better or worse, I have stopped delegating altogether. Folks have a family, with dreams and vices of their own. They will help, but when it's time for you to go to the Cross, you are going ALONE. I had a trust issue for a long time and kind of went in the other extreme this year hoping to correct it; I trusted naively. NOW I only trust folks to do their best, myself included.

And my LOVE and appreciation for my TEAM has grown tenfold.

Two more...

-SPEND TIME WITH FAMILY. At 25 you are a hero to someone in your family. You are also needed by someone. Take the time to call and visit. Go out of your way. If you love someone, make sure they know that. Death to "YOU ALREADY KNOW"...chances are they don't.

-LOVeLIFe...cause you only get one to love right? Love the good and bad. In the end it's all a wash and God is amazing.

I take 25 years with me into tomorrow, loving every minute and every experience. I can do more and be more wise and effective at 26, and I intend to do so...WHO'S WITH ME!!!!

-J